"What I would have done DIFFERENTLY at my home birth"
I’m over 10 months out from my own homebirth. As some of you know…I took a long and winding road to end up at home. I considered the hospital, two separate birth centers, and even a couple of homebirth midwives.
Looking back on it now - it was evident I had a lot of unresolved trauma and grief from my molar pregnancy in 2021. Instead of working through it before I got pregnant again…I naively hoped that a new pregnancy would just “fix” what I was feeling inside. Instead - it all came out during my pregnancy, and it led to a lot of confusion and doubt. I had a really hard time trusting myself and figuring out what I wanted for this baby, this birth, and my family.
Long story short: I made a decision to birth at home just a few days before Grover was born. I’m so glad that I finally made the choice that my heart and soul wanted, but I also really wish I had just made it several months sooner.
I think learning to find and then listen to our own intuition is one of the most important things we can do during pregnancy. Tapping into that inner voice is vital during the birth process and parenting (in general). It’s easy to become overwhelmed by options, opinions, and others’ stories…but ultimately YOU need to decide what is best for you and baby. Our quiet, inner voices can often guide us to that decision.
So for me? The ONE thing I would have done differently at my homebirth is made the decision to birth at home much sooner. I knew what I wanted all along, but I just got scared that I was making the wrong choice. The experience was hard in many ways, but incredibly freeing too. To realize that my inner self knew exactly what I needed and what my baby needed too. The more I do birth work, the more I realize the importance of listening and amplifying my client’s own inner knowledge and wisdom. We know more than we realize.
I asked many of my followers what they wished the would have done differently…and I loved reading what they shared. So much wisdom and humor in some of these comments! I would love to hear your thoughts too in the comments below.
Hired a Birth Photographer
Okay, I know that there’s likely some bias here because my followers all like birth photos…but I heard this one A LOT. So many people said they wished they had professional photos and video from their birth.
Birth photography is about more than a pretty image that you can share online - those images and films can truly help you process and integrate your birth experience. This is especially true if you have a fast or difficult birth. Many folks shared that they have almost no concrete memories of their birth experience - and they so wished they had images to look through and reflect on.
Used a Different Midwife
So often we end up making our decisions based on what our friends recommend or who has availability. Here in Denver, we have a wealth of amazing midwives…but I know that not all communities are as lucky. But if you don’t connect with your midwife - I would strongly encourage you to find someone else. Just because they were a good fit for a friend…doesn’t mean they’re the right fit for you. Ask your midwife questions and make sure you clearly understand their policies and philosophies. Ask them about their most transfer - why did it happen and how did it go? Talk to them about their experience - not only their education but their hands-on experience.
If you feel uncomfortable with their responses…if you feel like your values don’t align…if you feel your inner voice saying this just doesn’t sit right with me…then listen. This is your birth. Your story. Your baby. Your care team matters. Choosing the right one can make a huge difference in your birth experience.
Had LESS people in my birth space
Not everyone needs to be at your birth. If you feel any hesitation about a family member or a friend…it is more than okay for you to say no (or to just not call them until after baby comes). Birth is an incredibly intimate, primal experience, and it’s important that you feel safe and calm. Not every person in your life will bring the right energy into your birth space (even if you LOVE them dearly). It’s okay to keep your birth team small. All that being said, some births are a total party…and so if you need that energy…then listen to intuition and invite your village. Just make sure everyone knows that the invitation can be revoked at any time!
Designated a MOOD setter
So often we have amazing intentions for our homebirths. Lights, music, candles, food.
But then contractions start and many of our mood-setting plans go out the window. I love the idea of giving someone the job of “setting the mood” so that you or your partner don’t necessarily have to worry about setting up all the special things you’ve been planning. Along those lines - setting up the birth pool! Many partners are tasked with setting up the birth pool and it can be stressful if baby starts coming quickly. I always encourage folks to get the birth pool set up during early labor (including testing out the hose/water) so that once active labor sets in…you’re ready to go.
Also - make sure you’re sharing what you want your birth space to look like with someone. I love when my clients write down lists so that the birth team can jump in and help (if we have time).
Called my birth team over sooner…and later…
This one was tricky! I heard from several folks who wished they would have called their birth team over sooner…but then I also heard from other folks that they wished they would have waited a little longer.
Knowing when to call is so hard (and something I can TOTALLY relate to both professionally and personally). That being said, one of the things I love about homebirth is that it’s often much easier for your birth team to be close by but not in the same space as you. During my own birth, Lindsey, Jenn, Shari, and Robin were at our house, but they also gave us so much space and time alone. I appreciated them being close (because we knew it would be REALLY fast when it happened) but also not being stuck in a small room together all day.
More kids involved…less kids involved
If you’re noticing a trend here, you’re paying good attention! What works for one family doesn’t necessarily work for another! I heard both sides of this coin on instagram. Some folks wished there kids were more involved while others wished they had more peace and quiet with baby before their older children came into the mix.
I LOVED having my girls at our birth, but I made the classic mistake of having Lucille wake up her 3-year-old sister, Dottie, just seconds after Grover was born. What followed was about 10 minutes of high-pitch screaming because all Dottie wanted was me to come upstairs and snuggle her in bed.
Some of my clients labor beautifully with a whole houseful of kiddos running around, while others need quiet, peace, and solitude. There isn’t a right way to do it, but I think the big lesson here is to have TWO plans. One for having the kids involved and one for having them not involved…because as with all things birth…you don’t always know what you want or need until you’re in it!
(Also, make sure you have a solid plan for AFTER baby is here. I think it’s lovely for parents to have time alone to rest and bond with the new baby…so having a playdate set up or another way to get the older kiddos out of the house is great).
